troyesivanismyqueen:

troyesivanismyqueen:

i don’t think i’ll ever be ready to be a parent i can’t even raise a spider how do u expect me to kill a child

image

oh good god i fucked up

The scariest moment is always just before you start.
Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft (via feellng)

blendablelion:

harroldstyle:

IM SO PISSED OFF THAT WE DONT HAVE BALLS ANY MORE
I WANT TO WEAR A HUGE DRESS AND BE COURTED AND DANCE AROUND AND HAVE MY GOWN SWEEP THE FLOOR AND BE ALL ELEGANT AND GRACEFUL WITH GLOVES AND SHIT

BUT NO WE HAVE DUMB HOUSE PARTIES WITH CHEAP BEER AND RED CUPS AND HORNY TEENAGE BOYS WHO PUT THEIR HANDS UP MY SHIRT 

for a second there i thought you were talking about testicles omg


the-master-k:

*splooge*

(Source: funnyhahayeah)

This is why you should never, ever get your hopes up. This is why you should see the glass as half empty. So when the whole thing spills, you aren’t as devastated.
Emily Giffin, Something Borrowed (via perfect)

(Source: simply-quotes)

  • student: can i borrow a pencil
  • teacher: i don't know, CAN you?
  • student: yes, also colloquial irregularities occur frequently in any language and since you and the rest of our present company understood my intended meaning, being particular about the distinctions between "can" and "may" is purely pedantic and arguably pretentious

justasimplehoe:

what are the symptoms of being fergalicious

(Source: oprahwingdings)